lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
