Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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