Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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