no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
