I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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