Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
