Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
