Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
