How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
