I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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