It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
