mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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