just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
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