i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
