I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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