I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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