So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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