I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
