remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
