if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
