I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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