She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Two words: nipple clamps
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