I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
