Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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