I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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