11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
