I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
