This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
