You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
