He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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