So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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