It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We need a shit load of segways right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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