i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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