Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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