listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
