The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
