so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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