Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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