Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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