marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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