No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
