so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
