Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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