??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there is glitter all over my balls
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