i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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