Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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