just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
