On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
