This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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