I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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